Saturday, November 8, 2008

Random Thoughts / At Your Service?

Has anybody approached you and asked for a favor/request to do something? I am so not used to this yet but with the kind of industry/career I am entering, and the Filipino-kind of culture we have, I think I should.

I've been receiving a handful of requests for my services (mostly photography) as of late and really, I do not mind. Because one, experience is essential; and two, most of these people are either acquaintances or friends or friends of friends...of friends. I just say yes to most offers, nevermind if for free, and just "charge it to experience".

Somehow, doing these services is quite fun; and if the kind of dedication (and seriousness) I give to them is returned naman, then I don't mind working out an extra mile (with a smile!). But a tiny-teeny-bit of something bothered me. honestly, I don't really mind doing these services but I got worried that If I will be *this* generous and kind enough to always say yes, what could possibly happen? (OC (and arte) me, let's volt in!)

Earlier today, I tried to voice out this concern to my mom and, as I sort of expected, she understood it differently. The case is this: one group in our community* (*I'm going to speak as 'in-general' as possible because one of them might get to read this. Not that I cannot say this to them, but becuase they might not exactly understand what I'm trying to say, or see this whole thing differently. Really, they're just notorious buzzers. hah! Seriously, if anybody I know is reading this, intindihin mo ng mabuti okaaay?) who would like to have their group photo taken. Sure! I said yes, why not. Truth to tell, even if somebody asked me how much, I said no, they didn't have to. And I would really really gladly happily and willingly say yes if they asked again in the future (assuming that it won't collide with my other plans or conflict with whatever). And then one of them asked me to take a photo of him/her* and then edit it and print out 2x2s and 1x1s of it. ID pics. Edit. Print. Hoookaaay. Sige, sure. But deep inside, I was concerned that if I always say yes to this kind of things, maybe, everybody will start ask me such favors? Always, all the time? I ask myself, ok lang? Yeah, ok lang. As long as I can handle. And If I have the time/resources/etc. Yes, I can handle small, one-time jobs. Or a few. But do the job of photo-shops (with this I mean big-time, commercial and professional)? Call me a he-b?tch but no thanks. Oh, yeah, I happened to be a student with student duties. And then some.

When I told that to my mother (not including the he-b?tch part of course), she thought I was complaining because I didn't like what I was doing. Maybe I should blame my non-ability to say my ideas in a super easy to understand straightforward statements. She said I should be grateful because they "trust me". Goody-goody me said, yeah. That's true. And really, that's so true. I am so so so grateful that they "trust" my abilities that's why they requested my services. But baddy-me thought, what if they got me because I am the only option (and free one at that)?

This is why I loooove saying stuff on my mind. Talking to myself (not verbal ok, baliw na yon. hehe). Because you get to say whatever you want to say, sans the damage. The problem is, sometimes, I can't keep the lid on and can't help but share this things to some people. In this instance, my mother. Unfortunately, I don't have that buddy-buddy friendy-friendy type of relationship with her (like those artistas in TV shows, you know, when they say they treat each other like "buddies") so she started 'sermoning' and telling me that I should not complain. How about you? Do you understand what I trying to tell? Well, first of all, thanks for reading this far.

I am not complaining. Really. I am just concerned and pressured that what if I become the go-to of everybody I know, could I handle it? It is just OC me (my friend B knows this OC me really well, I think heheh) that is worried about that. That's the word, riiight—the word I cannot really say straight so lemme just blog/type it: PRESSURE. With a capital P. I felt pressured that what if something goes wrong? What if I don't do well? I want to always, always produce, if not the best, good stuff. Something I would not find chaka or tacky or yuk. I have to admit that I really think of what others think of me. Constantly. As much as I want to just say 'keber', OC me just cannot. So that's what made me say those complain-sounding statements. I did photography for an event* way way back before and the same thing happened. I felt so so much pressure that time that after thinking and re-thinking what I said, I really sounded like a jerk. I said that I didn't study arts just to be that. How yabang! Ugh. I really didn't mean what I said, you know. I wanted to call for a press-con ASAP but I would probably just make matters worse. Grabe. Pressure, nastrestress ako.

Thanks for the therapheutic effect of typing this because, now, I feel better. I've cleared out my mind (sort of hehe). I've realized that I only said those things thanks to pressure. Pressure is good. It's ok as long as I don't let it go over me, eat me, whole, in 2 seconds, alive. That activates my jerk/he-bitch mode. Oh, yeah, I am also relieved to know I am not mayabang (too proud). Diba? Wahahahaha. Ha. We have this yabang classmate and I don't ever want to be like him. I tolerated his yabang for years until I got tired of it and decided, yes, he really is that. When I go "yabang mode", it usually 1: for the sake of our self esteem 2: uplift our gloomy beaten spirits 3: just for fun. Joke joke lang.

Now. If anybody asks me again* (I have pending jobs now actually), I'd say yes. For close friends, friends of friends, and friends of friends of friends, mm, could be free. (Others, we can talk about that. HAHAHAHA) I don't know for how long, or how big-time work I can commit. The only thing I can say is (like what I said earlier) sure! Hell yes. Why not, as long as I can. Shushal!

How about you?

No comments:

Post a Comment